When your friend’s good news fills you with envy instead of joy

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So, your friend was too excited to tell you, “We’re finally dating! It’s happening!”

You do know that you want to be happy for her. You sincerely think that she deserves to be happy. On the other hand, you just can’t deny that deep inside, there’s a weird feeling in your gut. This strange feeling which makes you feel a bit tensed. Then, no matter how you ignore it, it bothers you. This is envy. Envy is inevitable.

We are all dreaming and wanting… and when a dream or want is not fulfilled, we all have this natural reaction by feeling frustrated. So when a friend tells you good news and you feel envious, does it mean that you are a bad friend? No. Does it mean that you are very selfish? No.

Being naturally envious is just being human. Nevertheless, you need to find that core where you can quieten your heart and really find how you can set this negative feeling aside without having to totally ignore the essence of vulnerability. When your friend’s good news fills you with envy instead of joy, here are things you can do to be reminded that it’s not a feeling you need to dwell on:

1) Recognize and acknowledge the feeling

As you feel envy rising, never fight back against it. Know that it’s there and that like all other feelings, it’s going to fade away. This is the first step in accepting such a negative feeling. Remember that negative feelings are like the darkness that leads us to our illumination. Know that your humility to recognize this very human feeling will just take you to places. For it’s when you are not honest enough to recognize your shortcomings that you too, build walls.
To recognize this negative feeling, never be afraid of it; of feeling it. Think of it as a step back closer to yourself. A realization that you are not perfect and it’s okay.

2) Find space for reflection

When the feelings sink in more, make sure to find some time to reflect. Ask yourself, “Why am I feeling like this?” or “Am I going through something in my own life that makes me feel envious?”

These two questions can guide you further to examine the roots of what you are feeling. Most often, we are at our most envious because we are bombarded by insecurities. When you are dealing with too many issues in your personal life, it is easy for you t feel unsure and feel jealous of what others are achieving and enjoying. For example, you are very insecure about your romantic life because you have always been asking yourself, “What is lacking in me… nobody seems to like me!” then out of the blue; your friend who used to have the same struggle finally starts having a dating life. The impulsive reaction is to be envious. On the other hand if you know deep down that there is nothing to be envious about because you have your own beauty and that someone can see it too (in due time), you’ll be able to set the negative feeling aside.

This is why reflection is important. When reflecting, you are able to clear your mind with unnecessary doubts and bitterness. You will see through the situation and accept who you really are.

3) Flush out the bad feelings by meditating

After reflecting on it, flushing out bad feelings by meditating is a wonderful way to get back to your real rhythm. You need not use complex meditation for this. A simple way to meditate is this: find a quiet spot, sit comfortably and close your eyes, inhale (and think of the beauty of your friendship), exhale (and imagine black smoke coming out of your nose which stands for the negative feelings that you have after your friend told you the good news). Repeat these very simple steps for some time (around 5 minutes).

Meditation helps you to pulsate with the whole universe. It is like re-connecting to your pure beat – you are a creature of love.

So, you need to be reminded of these three things when envy starts to consume you. Find that stronger corner of your midst which speaks of friendship, love, and forgiveness.

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