When You Don’t Feel Good Enough for Someone Else
It was in a long bus ride when I found myself so broken and unfixable. I felt I have spent two long agonizing years just to be available for someone who did not really see through me. It made me question so many things – even the last bits of human being’s empathy and kindness. “Why did he do this to me? Am I not good enough?”
These questions brimmed over my head – morning until night. Sometimes I would just wake up with so much pain in my heart… then tears would be my only shelter. When you don’t feel good enough for someone else, it is the best time to rekindle self-love. No matter how difficult your situation is right now, try to look from the inside again. Remember how beautiful you are. Remember that there is no one else like you in the world.
And here are other valuable reminders you need to consider:
1) Remember to carry gratitude in your heart… each day
In those most trying times, I practiced expressing gratitude more. When I woke up in the morning, I’d close my eyes and think of the blessing of being alive and face a new day. Keeping a gratitude jar or journal can help you create this habit. Each night, find some quiet time before sleep and write down what you are grateful for on that day.
You can say your gratitude list each day quietly. As the words travel from your lips to your own heart and mind, you slowly absorb the wonders of appreciation, resilience, and looking into things in life that truly count.
2) Let those whom you care for know about how you feel for them
Sometimes, the journey back to self-love is by keeping those you love and care for closer. When you let those whom you care for know how you truly feel towards them, you are also opening the doors to give and take. As you express your sincerity though words and actions, they would appreciate you beyond. When you let the care flow out of your body to others, you also contribute in this whole circle of affection and love. You’d realize that you are capable of loving others so much.
If you have been struggling to speak out, you can think of other ways to say it – through little gifts and letters. You can also practice doing it slowly each day. Let your honesty be revealed. You will be surprised!
3) Write love letters to yourself (post-its are also awesome!)
“Dear you, you have gone through a lot that have stripped out even the last strand of self-love. Today, you deserve all the love in the world – from the rays of the sun to that random hello from a stranger.” I can still vividly remember how I wrote this for myself. I was drinking a cup of tea after a week of binge eating only to cope with the sadness I was dealing with. I used post-its from then on to remind myself of the long path of blessings and surprises that still continues to breathe for me. Writing out loud has a very calming effect. It is like reflecting on the essential of life. It is like facing your demons and taming them one by one.
4) Have more dates with yourself
When was the last time you truly became alone with yourself? Have you ever found a quiet spot just to relax, ponder, and converse with your being? This is necessary. When I was in a toxic relationship, I never thought that it was sucking me whole. I never imagined I would feel so alone after it devastated me. I realized the value and beauty of being alone, of inviting my whole being to enjoy what I love, and to just be at peace.
Try to indulge in what makes you feel good. If you love nature, give time to it. When you feel your heart flutter when you drink good tea, make time for it. Even the little pleasures count. Self-love starts simply by paying more attention to what you need. Attention is the beginning of devotion.
Remember all these four ways. You are enough. And, remember that for you to feel enough, you don’t have to feel so whole. You are imperfect yet worth the love, care, and value.