There comes a time when couples feel the murk of stress in their marriage. All those sweet nothings and promises of forever seem to fade in thin air while you yell at each other over small or big issues. Let’s face it, it takes a lot of patience, trust, and love to forgive each other and accept each other when things get tougher than usual. According to a survey-study connected to Third Metric marriages, there are some lessons every over-stressed couple should learn.
Here they are:
1) Chill down when one of you is stressed out
Others would encourage you to marry someone who does not get easily stressed out when you do. It would be worst if you as a couple get stressed out together. When it seems that both of you are having some bad day, remember to take some time off. Initiate it. This does not mean that you have to push yourself all the time when you are stressed too. This simply means that you need to know by now that relaxation can counter any kind of marital stress. Go for a walk together or go for a walk alone and go back refreshed.
2) Get active together
When was the last time you run together? When was the last time you decided to swim on a whim? Stress levels only rise when you get so overwhelmed by “work” over “fun” and relaxation. Being active together brings so much vitality, good blood circulation, awesome sweat-out, and fun time bonding with each other. As you do things together, it is also a magnificent way to keep the fire burning. The respondents in this Third Metric marriages study shared that they have biked together, taken long walks together, and tried to eat healthy – they have made it a point to find time and space for exercise. From then on, their relationships have blossomed to a much better version of what they’ve envisioned before.
3) Recognize stress, don’t set it aside
How would a couple know that both or one of them is over-stressed? According to an expert, “Couples often become so accustomed to unchecked stress that they barely recognize and often overlook the destructive ramifications.”
You can also check one of these symptoms:
- Snappiness, crankiness, restlessness, agitation, moodiness, anger, over-excitement, poutiness.
- Self-medication (drugs, alcohol, food, etc.)
As you recognize stress from your end or his/her end, it is a great start to do something, to act upon it.
4) Your job will always affect your marriage
Going home totally stressed out can undeniably affect your relationship big time. One of the profiled couples who are part of the Third Metric marriages study revealed that their relationship got way better when they decided to leave jobs that made them unhappy. With flexibility and freedom now, they have more time to invest in their real passions and they’ve also shared that they have the time and energy to focus on their main priority – keeping fit and staying healthy together.
5) Set goals to make things work
One of the respondents of the study has also discussed that most people do not rally look into what they want to do in life. He further added that people do not set their goals and find out what is feasible or not. Instead of making excuses, make a plan about what you feel passionate of achieving together and try to weigh things – the possibilities, the blockades. Do not just be contented on telling yourself, “I can’t do it so it’s not happening at all.”
6) Re-assess your goals
The couples involved in this particular study has revealed that they have learned how valuable it is to re-assess your shared and individual goals even before the marriage. You need to set some plans and re-assess if they are helpful in keeping your marriage harmonious. You have to think of this – when you both are working too much, it will take so much energy and time and may affect the heath of your relationship and your health as individuals. Remember to ask yourselves “will this or this be putting too much pressure on our marriage?”
7) Be open to cheesiness
As the years go by, the spark may be set aside because there are bills waiting to be paid and workload that strips you out of your normal good vibes. Find some quiet moments to reflect on the very day you realized you want to spend the rest of your life with this special person, the time you vowed to share the thick and thin of it all. Express re-assurances of love and affection to your partner and say it out loud every time. This is very helpful in keeping the fire burning. According to Bethany and Dustin, they have participated in a marriage retreat wherein they learned about describing their dream marriage to each other. Doing this will reveal innermost wants that you are not even aware of from each other. From here, you realize to give and take to achieve harmony in your relationship.
8) Make sex and love-making as vital parts of your marriage
The couples who are part of survey-study want to encourage other couples to stop making excuses. When you are stressed out, it does not mean that you have to sulk and not have sex at all. You need it, it helps your brain produce happy hormones! It is false to say that you only need sex when everything is going well. Let the lights go low and touch more. There is comfort, bliss, and rejuvenation in sex and love-making. More than your to-do list that’s stressing you out, touch, feel, get lost in sensuality.
9) Worry not about what others around you expect
The pressure of trying to meet everyone’s expectation is just too hard to bear. Even for marriages and relationships, it’ll totally affect you when all you care about is what other people would say. When they tell you about what a perfect marriage should be, let it go. Remember that whatever works for A does not totally works for B. Focus on what you have with your partner and make the best out of it.